


Bi-alogue

by JennaFlare



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: Bad Puns, Comedy, Coming Out, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 02:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13354545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennaFlare/pseuds/JennaFlare
Summary: Kotetsu has decided to come out to Barnaby the only way he knows how: with bad dad jokes and puns. Unfortunately for him, Barnaby just doesn't seem to get it.-or-5 times Kotetsu outed himself to Barnaby with puns and the 1 time he just fucking tells him.





	Bi-alogue

**Author's Note:**

> /shows up 6 years late with Starbucks  
> I hear there's a new season in the works?
> 
> This is the most self-indulgent bullshit I've ever written. I found most of the puns on bi-puns.tumblr.com, but the pun in part 2 is thanks to my dear bff who you can find at melenafrey.tumblr.com

Kotetsu had been meaning to come out to Barnaby for a while, and it was just his luck that Barnaby beat him to the punch. In retrospect, it probably would have been smart of Kotetsu to respond to Barnaby's admission with an admission of his own, but he hadn't wanted to shift the attention away from Barnaby. Barnaby had clearly been nervous to tell Kotetsu that he was gay, and Kotetsu didn't want to be anything but supportive, so stealing the spotlight by coming out himself seemed inappropriate. It wasn't until later that he realized that Barnaby might have been comforted to learn that his partner was also queer.  A very tiny part of Kotetsu worried that Barnaby would be one of those gay guys that thought bisexuals should just make up their mind, but he told that tiny voice to shut the hell up; Barnaby wasn't an asshole. Barnaby had trusted Kotetsu enough to come out to him, and Kotetsu felt bad for not having reciprocated. He kicked himself for not just telling Barnaby while they were already on the subject of sexuality, because now he had the daunting task of bringing it up himself.

He practiced in the mirror.

"Hey, Barnaby, so you know how you told me that you're gay? Well, I'm bi! Isn't that great?"

He grinned at his reflection, but it didn't reach his wide, panicked eyes.

"Hey man, I wanted to tell you something. I like men. And women. I'm what the kids call a bi guy."

Kotetsu grimaced at his reflection.

"So you like guys, and so do I! But not in a gay way. Well, yes in a gay way, but I'm not gay because I'm also into women. Which should be obvious since I was married to a woman and had a kid with her, but then again, I guess there are gay men who do that. I'm just not one of them, because I'm bi."

Somehow, Kotetsu was getting worse.

And then, an idea struck him. He was bad at talking about himself and opening up to people, but he was significantly better at it when he did it through jokes. He knew what he had to do.

 

1.

It was mid-December, and Sternbild was experiencing some unusually cold weather. It wasn't quite record-breaking, but it was far colder than it had been the past few years. Kotetsu bundled his jacket more tightly around himself and buried the lower half of his face in his scarf. As he shivered, he came up with the perfect coming-out pun. He quickened his pace, excited to get into HeroTV's headquarters so he could use it on Barnaby.

When he got to the gym, he was practically bouncing with excitement. Antonio stood in front of one of the training dummies, beating it into submission, and Barnaby was working out at the pec deck machine. If that man kept skipping leg day, Kotetsu was going to give him an earful. But first, he had some coming out to do.

"It's so cold out there!" Kotetsu exclaimed as he shimmied out of his heavy coat.

"Sure is," Antonio grunted as he punched the dummy again, making it teeter precariously on its base.

"I nearly turned into a  bi -cicle!" Kotetsu grinned at Barnaby. He formed his hands into finger guns and pointed them at his partner. Antonio groaned, but Barnaby just looked at him with narrowed eyes and a furrowed brow.

"Do -- do you get it?" Kotetsu asked, straining to keep the grin in place as Barnaby paused in his workout. "A  _ bi _ -cicle?"

"No, I don't get it," Barnaby said. "Why in the world would the cold turn you into a bicycle?"

"No, not a bicycle, a  **_ bi _ ** -cicle," Kotetsu stressed the "bi" part even more than he already had been.

"Do you mean that your motorcycle was so cold you got stuck to it?" Barnaby tried. Kotetsu dropped both his grin and his finger guns, and his face got a little hot.

"No, I--"

"But why call it a bicycle? It's a motorcycle."

Kotetsu made a frustrated sound. "A  _ bi _ -cicle, Bunny!  **_ Bi _ ** -cicle!"

"Yeah, I still don't get it."

Kotetsu's shoulders slumped and he sighed, defeated. "Nevermind."

Barnaby shrugged and returned to his workout, unbothered.

Antonio was looking at Kotetsu with his eyebrows raised, a bemused smile pulling at his lips.

"Shut up," Kotetsu grumbled as he walked past his best friend, and Antonio lifted his hands, palms facing out.

"I didn't say anything," he said, but his tone said everything.

 

2.

Kotetsu spent all night researching bisexual puns. His repertoire had grown exponentially, and he was ready for any topic. He was the bi pun master. He was so prepared.

Kotetsu, Barnaby, and Keith were in the locker room at the HeroTV headquarters, changing into their day clothes after a mission. Kotetsu had distracted the other two by rambling about Kaede's most recent ice skating performance, whipping out his phone to show off the photos he'd snapped. The three men stood huddled together in various states of undress as Kotetsu flipped through the pictures, stopping on his favorites to gush properly.

"Gosh, and look at her here! She's so damn graceful," Kotetsu said, voice bursting with pride.

"She certainly doesn't get that from you," Barnaby teased, but Kotetsu was too proud at that very moment to be annoyed. Anyway, there was no heat behind the insult.

"You have a talented, beautiful daughter," Keith said cheerily.

"Oh, I know," Kotetsu said. "I'm a little biased, but I can't help it. I'm always  _ bi _ -ased." Kotetsu looked meaningfully at Barnaby and grinned, so he missed the quizzical quirk of Keith's brow. Barnaby just smiled fondly.

"Well, she is your daughter. Of course you're going to be biased."

Kotetsu frowned. " _ Bi _ -ased," he repeated.

"Yeah," Barnaby said slowly, looking a little confused. "I heard you."

"I don't think you understood him, though," Keith said, a barely contained laugh playing in his voice.

"I suppose I don't understand what it's like to be biased about your kids, no," Barnaby agreed.

Kotetsu slapped a hand over his eyes and dragged it down his face as Keith chuckled.

"No," Kotetsu said, "you really don't get it."

 

3.

A few days had gone by since Kotetsu's last attempt, and he was keeping his ears open for any good opportunities to make a bi pun. He was in HeroTV's lounge and all the other heroes except Dragon Kid and Bunny had already cleared out. Pao-Lin was chatting with Barnaby about the mission they'd just finished up.

"It was so cool when you punched that guy so hard that he flew right through his own car. I think that's when he started crying. Oh, and Tiger!" she said excitedly. "You should absolutely use your catchphrase more often. It's iconic!"

Kotetsu grinned and leaned over to Barnaby. "I am pretty bi-conic."

Pao-Lin blinked and Barnaby raised an eyebrow.

"You're what, now?" Barnaby asked.

" _Bi_ -conic. Get it?" Pao-Lin smiled slowly, and then laughed. Barnaby looked over at her, still looking lost.

"I don't get it," he said.

"He's bi-conic!" Pao-Lin chortled. "That-- that's really good, Tiger."

At least someone appreciated his jokes, even if the intended target was too slow on the uptake to get it in the slightest.

"I still don't understand."

" Bi -conic," Pao-Lin giggled. "God, I'm going to have to use that sometime."

Kotetsu raised his eyebrows. Was Pao-Lin saying what he thought she was saying?

Barnaby opened his mouth to press what exactly that really obvious pun meant, but a call came through on his wristband, stopping him short. He waved a hand dismissively and answered the call, so it seemed that Kotetsu would have to try again on another occasion.

 

4.

Kotetsu and Barnaby were in their costumes, tracking down a NEXT that had managed to escape their grasp. The NEXT had an entourage of fanboys that had distracted the heroes while he made his escape, but his slime-based NEXT ability made tracking him easy.

Kotetsu had been looking for opportunities to crack another coming-out joke for nearly a week with no luck, and he was starting to wonder if maybe he should just come out the old-fashioned way: by having an actual conversation about it. He recoiled from the thought. It would be so much easier if he could just make a joke about his bisexuality and move on from there.

As the duo stalked through one of Sternbild's many alleyways, Karina dropped from a fire escape above them.

"Hey losers," she said with an easy smile.

"Blue Rose. I hope you know those points belong to me," Barnaby said by way of greeting.

Karina smirked. "I guess we'll see soon enough. He's gotta be nearby."

And there it was! Kotetsu's chance!

" _ Near _ bi?" Kotetsu said loudly. "Well I'm  _ very _ bi!" Karina stared at him, and though he couldn't see Bunny's face through the faceplate, he could feel his partner's eyes on him.

"You're..." Karina said, realization dawning in her eyes.

"I mean..." Barnaby started. "You are standing right next to her, so... I guess, yeah?"

Karina's eyes snapped to Barnaby. "I don't think..."

"That's a weird thing to say," Barnaby told him. "Come on, we've got to catch this guy." He continued down the alleyway, leaving Karina and Kotetsu to stare at his back, both of them befuddled.

"Okay, that was really clear, right?" Kotetsu asked, voice strained.

"Yeah," Karina said. "Painfully so."

"Painfully?"

Karina wrinkled her nose at him. "I haven't seen anything more awkward in my life, Tiger. What the hell _was_ that?"

"I've been trying to come out to him for almost two weeks now, and he keeps just not getting it," Kotetsu admitted.

"And you're trying to come out to him... with bad jokes." Karina looked at him skeptically.

"They're not bad!" It took far too long for Karina to stop laughing long enough to say,

" _That's_ the best joke you've ever told."

 

5.

"I thought you said Handsome would be joining us," Nathan said a few days later as he and Kotetsu sat at the bar in their usual haunt.

Kotetsu shrugged. "I thought he would be."

"And here I thought I might finally get to see Handsome let his hair down," Nathan sighed. He drained his drink and made to stand up.

"Wait, where are you going?" Kotetsu asked.

"I run my own company, sweetie. I can't stay out drinking all night."

Kotetsu frowned. "Okay, but will you at least stay until I finish my drink? Being alone at a bar is pretty depressing."

Nathan rolled his eyes but sat back down in his stool. "Okay, okay. I'll keep this old lush company."

"Thanks," Kotetsu said. He sipped on his whiskey a little more slowly, eyes on the door.

"You still hoping Handsome will show?" Nathan asked. He had sharp eyes.

Kotetsu shrugged, going for nonchalance. "Well, he said he'd be here. I'm going to give him hell if he doesn't follow through."

"One of these days you have got to tell me what's going on between the two of you."

Kotetsu choked on his sip of whiskey. "There's nothing going on between me and Bunny."

Nathan smirked, his eyes glinting knowingly. Not that there was anything to know; his relationship with Barnaby  was  completely platonic. Nathan simply mm-hmmed skeptically. Kotetsu openedhis mouth to protest, but then a familiar voice said,

"Hey, sorry I'm late," and Barnaby sat down next to him.

"Hey Handsome," Nathan said with a smile. "We were just talking about you."

Barnaby's eyebrows rose. "Good things, I hope?"

Kotetsu scoffed. "Just debating whether or not you'd actually show."

"I had a lot of paperwork that needed doing," Barnaby said with a shrug, not put off in the slightest. He flagged down the bartender and ordered a Manhattan. As the bartender mixed his drink, Nathan stood.

"Well boys, I'm going to close out my tab and then bid you adieu."

"Leaving already?" Barnaby asked.

"He has a company to run," Kotetsu said lightly.

When Barnaby was handed his drink, Nathan closed out his tab and smiled at his competitors.

"Goodnight you two, don't have too much fun," he said with a wink.

"Later," Kotetsu said.

"Have a good night," Barnaby said.

"Bye," Nathan sing-songed as he turned to go.

Kotetsu grinned. "Yup, that's me."

Nathan stopped and turned back to see Kotetsu's shit eating grin.

"Validation," Nathan said, mostly to himself, before continuing to the door.

Barnaby looked at Kotetsu with a look of utter bewilderment. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Kotetsu deflated instantly. "Nothing," he said.

 

1.

Kotetsu wasn't sure how his plan had failed so spectacularly. He wasn't even subtle whatsoever at the end there, and somehow Barnaby still hadn't gotten a clue. How the hell could someone so smart be so damn slow on the draw?

He mulled over his predicament with a glass of whiskey in hand, sitting in the single chair in Barnaby's living room.

Barnaby returned from the kitchen, glass in one hand and bottle of whiskey in the other.

"You need more chairs," Kotetsu said. "Or maybe a couch. This whole single chair in a massive living room is beyond depressing."

Barnaby quirked an eyebrow. "Why is it depressing?"

"Because it lets everyone know that you never have company over."

Barnaby smiled and poured a few fingers of whiskey into his glass. "I have _you_ over pretty often."

"Yeah, and it's really stupid that only one of us can sit in a proper chair at a time."

Barnaby shrugged. "I'll think about it."

The quiet that followed made Kotetsu's brain race, mostly with trying to figure out how he could possibly come out to Barnaby. He wanted those thoughts to shut up, though, so he grabbed the TV remote and turned it on. The channel it was set to was the news, of course, and a very beautiful anchorwoman's face was blown up on the wall.

"Damn," Kotetsu said, caught off guard.

Barnaby turned towards him from his spot on the floor. "What is it?"

"Oh, uh. She's just really hot."

Barnaby looked back at the TV. "Guess she is," he said, nonplussed.

Before he could really think about it, Kotetsu said, "I like my women how I like my men."

Barnaby's eyes returned to Kotetsu. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Suddenly, Kotetsu was incredibly frustrated. All of Barnaby's clueless moments piled up on top of each other, and Kotetsu just had to end this. "It means I'm bisexual, Bunny!"

Barnaby blinked once, and then grinned slowly. And then, he started to laugh.

Of all the reactions Kotetsu had imagined, this had not been among them. He had pictured Barnaby being shocked, Barnaby being angry, Barnaby being pleased, Barnaby being supportive. But not once had he thought that Barnaby would _laugh_ at him. Kotetsu's face grew hot, and he opened his mouth to snap something when Barnaby said,

"Yeah, I know," through his laughter.

All the wind went out of Kotetsu's sails. "You... knew?" he asked, not really sure where he stood right now.

Barnaby rolled his eyes, still chuckling. "Yeah, you haven't exactly been subtle with all those puns, old man."

Kotetsu's throat seemed to close around itself, and dear lord, his cheeks had never been this warm in his entire life. "But-- you -- I-- that's --- but!" he spluttered. "But you didn't get them!"

"Of course I got them. I'm not an idiot."

Shame gripped Kotetsu like a vice. "Then why the hell did you pretend not to?" he demanded hotly. Now he was getting angry. He had been trying to open up to Barnaby, in his own way, and Barnaby was -- what? Fucking with him?

"I wanted you to tell me properly," Barnaby said, but the amusement was gone from his voice. "I had stressed out for weeks about telling you that I was gay, and then you were treating coming out like a big joke."

The anger drained from Kotetsu. "I was only doing it that way 'cause I was scared, too."

"Why were  you  scared? You already knew that I'm gay."

Kotetsu shrugged. "That doesn't always mean that someone will be accepting. I've dated guys who were always convinced I'd leave them and go back to being straight, or cheat on them with a woman."

Barnaby frowned and scooted across the floor to sit closer to Kotetsu. "You thought I'd be like that?" he asked quietly. Kotetsu could hear the hurt in his voice.

"No. Maybe a little. I... I didn't really think you would be, but part of my brain was convinced that it was a possibility. I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. I can understand that. I didn't think you were homophobic, but I was still terrified to tell you. My brain just kept going, 'oh, but what if?'"

Kotetsu smiled sadly. "I don't think that ever goes away. It's always scary telling someone this kind of thing, especially when it's someone you care about. I was terrified every time I cracked one of those jokes." Barnaby's expression was pained.

"I'm sorry for making you do that," he said quietly. "You were trying to open up to me and... I'm sorry I put you through that."

"It's okay, Bunny." He stood up and held out a hand to help Barnaby up from the floor. Barnaby took it, and Kotetsu hauled his partner up and into a tight hug.

"I guess you also came out to the whole league because of me," Barnaby said into Kotetsu's shoulder.

Kotetsu shrugged as best he could.

"Antonio already knew, and Nathan certainly had his suspicions. They're all my friends, anyway. I'm glad they know now."

Barnaby leaned back so he could look at Kotetsu's face. "And they've all taken it well?"

"Sure have."

Barnaby nodded thoughtfully. "Well, I'm a lot less nervous about telling them all now. Thanks for testing the waters," he said with a disgustingly charming wink.

Kotetsu glared and shoved Barnaby gently away. "You're an asshole," he said, and sat in the chair. Barnaby only shrugged with a self-satisfied smile and sat back on the floor, his back resting against Kotetsu's shins companionably.


End file.
